I was always the outsider, the lonely one, the one who was picked on, bullied, messed with. I was the one that everyone vented their frustration on, not only in school but also at home.
I was different after all, different in the many ways no one understood, and frankly, I did not allow them to see. They never knew how different I really was, not until, well, today.
They just went on their merry way, not considering for once in their lives how I would feel, what was going on inside of me, or how they fueled an untamed rage that burned so deep into my soul, that there was nothing left to save.
Nothing, nothing I did, say or how I tried to show them, that I was a human being, who needed a little dignity, and love was acknowledged, not even for the shortest period of time.
I had no one to go to, no safe place to be, walking from one hot plate of despair to another.
They made me.
They created the monster I had become
And for the first time in my life I was grateful.
The beautiful crackling and moaning, that escaped the building as it lost is structural integrity was more exhilarating than any symphony. The screams of the students running from their collapsing school, some still on fire, others dazed and confused by the thick heaviness of the smoke reminded me of an aria, no soul could imagine a more breathtaking composition.
I wanted to watch, embrace the dancing fire, engulf myself in the midst of the powerful creation that I, only I had brought upon them, but I knew I had to be careful.
After all, my work had just begun.
© Claudia H. Blanton 2014